'He gave me an ultimatum. The job or him': Man threatens to break up with girlfriend if she accepts her dream job as a renewable energy consultant in Denver, just 45 minutes away, claiming that she's being "selfish" by making them move or do long distance

Author image for Emma Saven
Emma Saven
Dec 3, 2025 7:00 AM EST

This must be a rare occurrence, because for the first time in a long time, we think this answer is fairly clear. If a man starts to impose any 'it's him, or me's within your life, take that as a sign to start really looking inwards at your relationship. Because oftentimes him is not referring to a specific person. It could be regarding your family, your friends, or in this case, your career…Because when a man truly loves you, it is not your confinement he values, but your growth. 

So when this renewable energy consultant gets offered for dream job in Denver, she cannot wait to share the exciting news with her boyfriend. After all, she' been working toward it basically since the day she could read and write…But her boyfriend's reaction was not quite as excited. Instead of a bunch of red roses and a slightly-too-large balloon that read congratulations, she received a breakup threat. Claiming that it would be 'incredibly selfish' of her to make them move 45 minutes away…or worse, be in a long-distance relationship. Well, if 45 minutes is long distance, then we'd consider ourselves in multiple long-distance relationships with everyone we know!

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  • It is evident that this relationship was doomed from the start. And the thing is, that if she were to give in to his ultimatum, she knows exactly what she would choose. And we're not so sure it's the ‘our-love-above-everything’ answer he was hoping for. Because when you put a woman in a corner, it is likely she'll dig through it, and leave you stuck inside all alone…

  • Woman receiving an exciting text
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    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Boyfriend gave me ultimatum - dream job or him. I'm considering taking the job

    he's in sales, there's tons of sales jobs in denver. or we could do temporary long distance, i could stay in denver during the week and come back on weekends while he looks for a new job he said if i'm even considering taking the job it means i prioritize my career over our relationship which.
    via Willing_Boss_4815
  • i mean yeah? my career is important to me. i've been working toward this for years we've been fighting about it for like 3 weeks now.
    via Willing_Boss_4815
  • it's the same argument every time. he says i'm being selfish. i say he's being controlling then yesterday he gave me an ultimatum.
    via Willing_Boss_4815
  • the job or him i'm seriously considering taking the job my best friend says marcus is showing his true colors and that he's trying to control my career.
    via Willing_Boss_4815
  • my sister thinks i should try harder to find a compromise but like. what compromise is there?
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  • i either take my dream job or i don't. there's no middle ground marcus says if i really loved him i'd turn down the job and find something else in boulder.
    via Willing_Boss_4815
  • Woman leaving her boyfriend
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    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • but i don't WANT something else. this is the job i've been working for and it's not like i'm asking him to sacrifice anything huge.
    via Willing_Boss_4815
  • i'm asking him to either move 45 minutes away (which we could afford with my new salary) or do temporary long distance he says it's the principle.
    via Willing_Boss_4815
  • that i'm putting work before us. that if this is how i am now, what happens when we're married or have kids but we're not married.
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  • we don't have kids. and this is my career we're talking about i'm supposed to give them an answer by friday.
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  • that's in 3 days marcus says if i take the job we're done. and i think.
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  • i think i'm okay with that? which probably means i should take the job right am i wrong for choosing my career over my relationship?
    via Willing_Boss_4815
  • Familiar Raise234 Boyfriend has no right to tell you what to do. Take the job. Move to Denver if you have to. Boyfriend can stay behind.
    via Familiar_Raise234
  • Usual-Archer-916 Take the job. And be thankful you found out what he is like now.
    via Usual-Archer-916
  • Couple having an argument in the living room
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    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Tommie-1215 Take the job and here is why. You are going to resent him and be unhappy. Any person who does not support your growth and a great opportunity does not deserve you. In addition, if you do this you will never get over it and who knows if the opportunity will present itself again. Its not like you are moving to Europe for goodness sakes.
    via Tommie-1215
  • Miilkbby Take the job queen. Take. The. Job! Seems like he's feeling insecure about your success & you have every right to prioritize your career over a boyfriend. You can always get a new boyfriend. When will you get another promotion like this if you say no?
    via Miilkbby
  • Acceptable-Low460 Take the advice of a mid-40s mom. Take the damn job! This is going to be indicative of your future with him. If he's not even considering options, that's a hard no to the relationship. Don't let a partner dictate your life.
    via Acceptable-Low460
  • IllustriousCod5957 It's only a 45 min drive to work, why does anyone have to relocate? I'm confused.
    via IllustriousCod5957
  • gurlwithdragontat2 We don't turn down jobs for boyfriends. There might be a bit of consideration for a fiancé to find more compromise, but turning down an important role, for a man is not wise. Especially a man who is unwilling to hear you or offer any compromise of their own, only demands and ultimatums. A lot of say that he wants is not compatible with the level of relationship you have. You're getting a clear view of him right now so believe it.
    via gurlwithdragontat2
  • torroxtiger62 There's no consideration needed. You take the job and tell your asshat of a bf to take a hike.
    via torroxtiger62
  • Chefnick500 Bye Marcus !!
    via Chefnick500
  • No_Radio_1013 You know the answer. Take the job.
    via No_Radio_1013

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long distance ultimatum job offer opportunity break up dating
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